What being asexual

means to me

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written by an anonymous contributor

I first discovered I was asexual five years ago, when I was about 22 years old, by reading a Facebook post. Before then I was so clueless I never even knew that asexuality was a thing, but the more research I did, the more it sounded like me. I signed up to the forum AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) and also joined some ‘ace’ (short for asexual) groups on Facebook. Since then I’ve made a network of ace friendships, which I think is really important.

Coming out wasn’t easy. I came out to my parents first and whilst they didn’t really understand they were accepting… sort of. However shortly after, when I came out on Facebook, my dad left a comment to the tune of ‘no you’re not [asexual]’. This definitely knocked my confidence a little, but I tried to not let it get me down.

Some asexuals do like having sex for various reasons, but personally I am sex-repulsed. This means I do not like the thought of sex and it makes me feel a bit gross. I’ve learnt there’s nothing wrong with being sex-repulsed, as long as you don’t go telling other people what they can and can’t do.

I also identify as hetero-romantic, which means I experience romantic attraction to the opposite gender. Just because I am asexual does not mean I don’t desire romantic connection, as romantic and sexual attraction are two different things. I am in a relationship, and my asexuality does not affect it that much. My boyfriend is not asexual but is very accepting of the fact that I am - we’ve been together nearly two years and sex has never been an issue. I feel really lucky to have found someone who accepts me the way I am.

It’s taken a long time to accept myself as the asexual that I am. I sometimes struggle with negative feelings about being asexual as we are taught that it is not ‘normal’, but in reality there is nothing wrong with it. The most important thing is to accept yourself for who you are.